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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Missing Josh... Merry Christmas

Today was difficult. Apart of me really wanted to be home in Buffalo with all my family, and the other part of me didn't. I just wasn't into the Christmas spirit this year... nor was I last year. I once again cried this morning over Josh... somtimes I feel like I will never come to terms with the fact that he's gone. We are Nativer American, and my mom ordered a spirit flute for my little brother Jeremy (he's 7) and when he unwrapped it this morning, he immediately opened it and started playing on it... then he came and told my mom and I that while he was playing for it he was calling for Josh, so that we could tell him Merry Christmas quickly before Josh had to go home.... I played along, but had to go to another room, cuz I started crying... had to get myself back together and go on with the day. I'm trying to stay busy... trying to be happy to, but I'm in a "blah" kind of a mood. My step family is visiting, and they are not my most favorite people in the world, so I've been in my room 80% percent of everyday that they've been here... I figure it'd be best, because if I hear them say something ignorant to or about me, my mom or my family... I'm the type who won't bite my tongue and hold anything back. I guess in a way, thats a problem... but I don't believe that any of them are any better than I or my mother... so for them to get on their horse n toot their own horn in my mothers house is disrespectful, and quite frankly I do not want to hear it.

To be honest, I think were looking into moving back to Buffalo. I don't mind...whether I stay here and go to A&T and my mom move back... I can always transfer to UB. Plus by then rob will be home :) I'm patiently waiting but it's just not coming quick enough....

Well i hope you all are enjoying the holiday!

3 comments:

Tawnya said...

what ever issues 'the steps' have with you or your mom are theirs. Don't borrow trouble and don't make thier issues yours. I understand about Josh, I cried a bit for my dad today. It seems that I am feeling his loss more profoundly now than before... Higs to you.... Whereever you end up, I know that you will be okay.. You are strong...

Big Mark 243 said...

Sometimes, it is better to keep the peace and let things pass, than it is to stir things up, and cause conflict.

If they steps are 'just passing thru', then let them pass. Jerks are going to be jerks, no matter what. Suffer them, and then be gone with that.

Whether you go to Buffalo or stay in G'boro, make the best choice FOR YOU. Don't look back, make the decision and roll with it. Cheers!

Linda said...

Hey girly, I want you to send me your address by email if you will. I have something that I want to send you that I think might be really helpful for you...Your are beautiful, don't forget that. Linda