Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Its been a long day. I'm exhausted... and to make things worse, I'm sick... soo off to sleep i go!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

It figures...

Another one bites the dust... forgive me for putting it so heartless, please!

Actually, today I went to class, and saw that everyone was acting weird. Then I heard the story... a 22 yr. old black male from hempstead NY was shot in the head Sunday. He was apart of the Aggie Family and heavily involved in the school, and his church/community in NY. He was attending A&T for Political Science and was to graduate this Spring. I didn't know him. However, I would just like to put the newspapers and news channels on blast because they soley referred to him as a "African American Hempstead NY man." From what I heard he was more than just that and feel that he deserves more respect than that! And owe his family an apology!

I guess what irritates me most is based on the fact that he was African American they chalked him up as "another one" that they got off the streets... But failed to mention his many accomplishments and status at A&T and his community back home. They also failed to mention that he was shot because of "mistaken identity" and let me tell you, the person they meant to shoot probably could have been his twin... Wrong place wrong time is what they say... but you mean to tell me, you can't even stand outside your own apartment complex anymore, without fearing a gun going off? Rediculous!

I may not have known you, but R.I.P Dennis Stuart Hayle

I hope they find the person who did this!

Gotta do something!

So January is coming to an end, and I never actually sat down and wrote out 'Resolutions.' I kind of had them in my head, but never made them official. I guess part of that was because I know every year that I usually do... I never come through!

This month for me, has not exactly started off the best. My car is STILL in the shop and it is extremely inconvenient sharing a car with my mom when we have 2 opposite schedules and my days are a whole lot longer than hers. I'm also working 6 days a week, so I have the car all 7 days and it leaves my mom without a car when she has stuff she needs to do, and since she can't, I have to run her errands for her! It's really taking its toll on me. I know I'm making good money, but working 6 days a week is really hard in addition to going to school. I have fallen behind in reading and my assignments and I'm costing myself points!!! So far the things I've handed in have been LATE. That's 5-7 points lost for no good reason. I'm just tired by the time I come home and work on my homework assignments in between classes. I'm going to have to talk to my manager about maybe me only working 4 days a week for right now until I get somethings in order! Then if I can handle it all... go back to working 6 days a week. Right now, school is more important to me... but I also have bills so I have to find a means of success somewhere!

My weightloss isn't going so bad! I've lost another 2 ounces... for a total of 8.8 pounds... and I will say anything is better than nothing. As long as the numbers on the scale continue to go down then I am happy in that department! However, I am thinking about canceling my gym membership. I do have an option and a pretty little fee to do that, but I just can't seem to get myself over there to workout. There is a gym at A&T that I can use for "free" so to speak, and I also have a treadmill, elliptical and weights at the house... so really I have no excuse not to exercise... Just have to drag all the equipment out and put it to work! But at this time, I think it's best I cancel it because I just can't continue to waste money on something that isn't being put to use. Plus its hard to get my mom to go, because ever since my mom had Gastric Bypass surgery and she's lost 80+ pounds.. my stepdad acts really funny anytime she leaves the house... it really gets on my nerves to be honest. I'm not fond of my stepdad anyway... i could really do without him. But that's a story I will save for another day!

Well... I'm off to get ready for class at 12:30 and 3:30... Hope you all are doing well!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


So... we had a snow day on Tuesday... It was literally just a dusting of snow... no need to close campus, I think it was just closed due to the inauguration. I must admit.. I got a little emotional during that. From everything we learn in history that we as a country have had to go through to get where we are today is amazing... Change is good! It was a moment in time I will never forget!

I'm doing the best that I can, although I slacked off last night with my homework. It wasn't actually homework. It was just extra credit. I'm going to finish it between classes today because it's not due until 3:30. I've been really BLAH lately... that's probably the best way to describe my mood... I'm just going with the flow of things.... hoping to get into some kind of routine that I enjoy!

I've been working on the "diet" but haven't gotten to the exercise... I need to get with it, but as I said I gotta figure somethings out and set designated times to go to the gym! I have to have a plan. I just need to force myself to put energy into making that plan! I have lost 8.6 pounds though-Since January 1st. I guess it's just from keeping busy and walking campus, and using stairs instead of the elevator, plus I've cut down on the amount of junk I eat... and I'm usually at work, so I'm running around there and not around food. I guess it's a workout for 4-5 hours a night considering I carry back and forth wedding gowns that can weigh anywhere from 1-10 pounds.... and I usually carry 3 or 4 at a time... so in a round about way it's a mini workout. Anything is better than sitting on my butt! I'm really wasting money on the gym membership though, so I need to get using it! I just dread all the "resolutioners" lol They'll start to slack off by mid february. My goal is to get a gym routine by february 1st ... by then I'll be settled in with school, and work, and my life can be more organized. I'm happy about the almost 9 pounds! It's not bad for 3 (+/-) weeks. I guess 10 pounds is my goal... if i lose another 1.4 by the time the month is over... i'll be good. It seems managable!

Well, thats all for me! Hope y'all are doing well!

Monday, January 19, 2009

20th of the month...

I know this gets boring... I'm sorry I post this stuff, but it's my way of venting... I hate talking to the people around me about it, I sorta feel like everyone gets tired of hearing it... but I get tired of living it! Sometimes I feel like I'm ok, and I can skip over the days in some months, but for the most part I relive the 18th- the 25th of July. No matter how fast time moves on, sometimes I feel like I'm left living in that exact moment. The 18th was pretty much the last time I ever spoke to Josh... I IM'd him on the 19th, late at night... and I figured he had just gone to bed early... He had definitely gone to sleep, and drifted away. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the pages of time, and rewrite certain parts. There's times where I wish I could go back to being the person I was before, but she's gone too. I'm changed for good, and this is me... who I am. I will never be who I was, too much has gone on, too much has changed around me, and it's changed me too. Six months has gone by so quickly and I swear there is not a day that the thought of Josh does not cross my mind. Sometimes I think I'm just so afraid that I'm going to forget all the memories... There's this huge empty space in my life and in my heart... and I wanna fill it, I feel like if it's filled I'll feel better, but thats not really the case. I don't know what will make me feel better. I'm changing my life... in hopes to find a new direction. I really like school, but I'm sorta just winging it right now... like I know I should be putting more effort and etc. in to it, but my mind is in so many other places... I also really like my job, but I don't have time to think the time I come outta there... I'm so tired, I can't feel anything.

Last night, I sat at Applebee's for 4 hours drinking... They probably should've cut me off a long time before they closed, but the bartender knew me since we used to work together, and she kept the drinks coming... I ended up hanging out with Marcus after... I know.... people will probably be talking, but it wasn't like that. It's actually the first time I ever hung out with Marcus... so it was interesting to have a real conversation with him. I think he knew I had stuff on my mind that was bothering me... So we talked... it was different.

I feel so drained... and restless... searching for some organization in my life... some kind of happiness. or maybe just an answer to some question.

Going to bed.... goodnight

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


I feel like it's been longer than just a week for an update! It's been crazy let me tell you. A&T is great although I didn't make it to me 10am class yesterday or my 12:30 class today... It's just my luck that when I have to drive and hour (+) to school my car would start acting up... So yesterday, I had the neighbor look at it, and he said it would be ok to go to my 11:00 & 2:00 so I went... but when I got out of my 2:00 class, my car was making a crazy noise when I turned it on, and the coolant is literally leaking out but not on the ground.... SO it overheated and was smoking... I had to call a tow truck.... and had to be at work too! Needless to say, I was late for work, and ended up having to leave my car unlocked with the keys in it under the floor mat in the middle of the "ghetto" for the tow truck guy.... who NEVER CAME TO GET MY CAR!!! So I called my friend who lives in the dorms and asked her to see if my car was still out there, and made her get the keys out of it and lock it up... then I called the tow truck company... and they said "we couldn't find it" which is a DAMN LIE because it's right there out in the open!!! 2001 WHITE pontiac grand am GT!!!!!!! only one on the street that I said it was on at 7:30pm... so my mom drove an hour to pick me up from work at 10, and then we went over to A&T and she messed with it some, and we ended up driving it back to Madison where I live to the Auto place by the house... So this morning I had to go over there and talk to them. But, I don't have a car to get to my classes. My mom had a bunch of stuff to do today in between work. SO I was without a car, but I have the car now to go to my 3:30 class then I have to come back and get her from work and drop her off at the house, and then go to the court for the class I have to take for the open container ticket... It's a big inconvenient run around to tell u the truth! But, it could be worse, I'm just praying the engine in this car isn't blown like the last car! I don't know what I would do, and my father would go crazy!!! I feel like I'm off to a bad start with classes cuz I've already missed, but it's really not my fault!

On another note, I love my job at David's Bridal. It's so much fun, so there's no complaints there!

I've been having emotional issues on and off with Josh. I know the healing process takes time, but somedays are really bad, and I can't keep it together for long periods of time... I end up crying, and I don't even know why... it seems like he's on my mind an awful lot... and then it upsets me because I miss him, and I'll never get to see him again.... at least not in this lifetime. It hurts!

In all the business of my life, running around, and eating less and better food choices I've managed to drop a total of 7 pounds... so I'm really excited!!! I have 8 more pounds to go to meet my FIRST goal!!! I really need to get a set schedule, so that I can make time to go to the gym, but I'm gonna have to wait to see how this car situation plays out!

Anyway, hope yall are all doing well!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


It's official!!! I am registered for classes and those start tomorrow at 12:30pm for me! I'm excited! I went to the Induction Ceremony this afternoon. It was interesting. I'm only taking 5 classes which was my choice. I met with the Dean of the Psychology department, and he was really nice. Dr. Robinson was his name. He did an override and put me in all the classes I wanted to be in... even if they were full. So it was great to get what I wanted! lol Plus, he even put me on a different curriculum schedule because I already have 2 associate degress so it may allow me to graduate early!! YAY :)

I got everything I needed straightened out with all my health records... They claimed my tetnus shot wasn't up to date... so I had to get another one in the Student Health Center.... it was crazy! This old woman was talking to me then said "I'm going to do the shot breathe in" and as I was about to say OK she jabbed the needle in and said 'Welcome to A&T" lol... it hurt! and my arm is killing me today!!

Of course, I'm not recieving financial aid.... but I went to the financial aid office to see what was available to me... lol NOTHING! So... I've been put on a waiting list for a Minority Pell Grant but chances are I will be done and graduated by the time I get it. Then I applied for the Financial aid for Native American students and couldn't recieve that... because check out their answer.... something about it can only be a NC STATE tribe, and mine in Canadian... LOL so I asked... who do I talk to about arguing it.... because Native American is Native American... whether it be any of the 50 states or Canada... so I had to apply to make an appointment with the Dean of Student Affairs... and it may seem like a waste of time... but I want to know why it's like that!!! But overall, my tuition is not what I thought it was going to be. Only 1800.00.... that's not including books tho... those will probably be about 500-700... as they usually are! Still 2500 for a whole semester isn't bad at all! So I am pretty pleased to say the least. I am tired though! I've done so much running around it is rediculous!! I would love to take a nap... which is probably what I'll do... a 30 minute power nap until I have to leave for work at 4:00...

But just wanted to update... it's official... I'm an AGGIE!!!!!!! :)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

So much to do and the clock is winding down.

A&T: Well I filled out as much stuff online as I could... but then I went to print out the papers that I needed and realized that I have a new laptop (that I got for christmas...) and my printer program isn't loaded on this comp... so then I go get the disk and pop it in and I keep getting a pop up basically saying (in short terms) theres an error and the program isn't compatable with the software or something. I now have window vista.. and on the other program I think was windows me... or something... I don't even know! So I am frustrated!! The library is closed on Sundays so I couldn't even make my way over there to do some printing... good grief! So tomorrow morning my mom is going to print the paperwork out for me from work, and then I'm going to pick it up during her lunch, or maybe I should just fax it while I'm there.... kill 2 birds with 1 stone!

Student Loans: Ok, so because my mother is college educated/graduated and makes a descent amount of money they claim I'm not eligible for financial aid basically she makes just enough money to still remain broke when bills are paid yet i pay full price for college because i'm HONEST... so I need to take out student loans. The last 2 semesters at the community college my father paid for in cash, but other than that I do have 4 years worth of student loans. I wanted to consolidate them considering the interest is killing me and their private loans because the community college didn't offer any kind of federal loans. They claimed it cost them more money, then they were making in tuition, so they did away with it. I have private loans, and yes... my time limit is up on 1 of them... with an interest rate of 12% !!! Unfortunately due to our economy we can no longer consolidate our student loans! I was very upset to find this out, so instead... I'm going to take out yet again another student loan to pay for my tuition for this semester and enough to pay off the other loan, because after researching the federal stafford loan has a fixed interest rate of 6.8% which is MUCH better than 12% and I won't have to pay it until after I graduate college (completely) and then I have a max. of up to 10 years to pay it... so yes it sucks, but it has it's benefits... My grandfather was my cosigner for the private loans... and I'd really like to get all that out of his name because when I'm strapped for cash he tends to make the payment for me... He does enough so.... I want to fix that situation! It's not his worry and responsibility to pay it...

I still have so much to do tomorrow it's crazy! Melissa told me to relax because this always happens, and even though they give deadlines, they'll still take my paperwork and etc even if it's past the deadline... She said at most I end up having to pay a $50 late fee for registration purposes, but I have until next Monday to get everything squared away... I'd like to have it done sooner though because classes start Thursday! Melissa and I went to Ihop and sat and talked over dinner about everything. I'm still overwhelmed but I'll be alright... It's nothing that I can't handle... and of course Melissa makes me laugh... she just says... "get used to it.... black people... end of story" I try not to generalize or stereotype... but she has no problem telling me!

I also have to work from 5:00-9:30 so Monday will be a very busy day. I'm going to be tired... so I will probably get to bed within the next half hour and get some rest... wish me luck... I'm gonna need it to get the list I have accomplished!

Busy Day...and exhausted...

I worked yesterday. It is January... why are girls already buying their prom dresses. I sold 2 prom dresses... no wedding gowns... it was hectic! Bridal Saturdays are definitely CRAZY! My feet hurt, and on top of it I was sick yesterday... so I didn't use the best of my selling techniques. This one girl refused to reschedule another appointment and demanded i help her try on all the dresses she wanted.. we do hour & a half blocks of time for each bride and if they need more time they need to reschedule... so needless to say 2 hours and some change later I was still with the same bride who just had no idea what she wanted. It's common, but work with me! I've done the best that I could with you, and I'm not feeling well! jeez! So I have this crazy work schedule which is NOTHING like the availability that I wrote down for these people so I need to get with the manager who makes the schedule and get her to fix it because I have A LOT to do this week.

Today I need to get to work on my paperwork for A&T. Because Monday morning, I have a feeling, the rest of A&T and I will be standing in line trying to get the information we need. It's better I have everything complete tonight and go from there... Melissa said if I needed her to, she would go with me and help me find everything I need.... I've only hung out at A&T with her... lol I have no idea where actual buildings and offices are... so it's going to be an adventure. I was going to plan to take 6 classes (18 credit hours) but my mom said maybe I should take less than that... stay full time but use this first semester to kinda ease myself in... because Universities are different! I don't know... I will see what happens when I get there and meet with an advisor...

Other than paperwork, I would like to try to finish my bathroom... and get that squared away... so far it looks really good, and I'm loving it! My step family is GONE!!!!!! Thank God!!! That means I won't have to see them for a very long time!!! But I guess thats all for my today!

Friday, January 2, 2009


(Me & Melissa at AP's last night 1-1-09)
I went out... because it was Melissa's only night off. Along with working at Applebees, she works a third shift job... so she had off for the new year and we finally got to go out!!! I really didn't want to, but I ended up having a pretty good time, so I'm glad that I went.
I'm feeling better than I did the night of my last post... but that's how it is... one day I'm a mess and the next I'm alright... I supposed eventually I will get used to Josh being gone, and accept that it happened and I can't change it.
I have been sooo sick!!! ugh!! I know I mentioned that my step family was here... and well they've all been sick... now, is it me or do people generally come visit people when all 3 of them are sick? I wouldn't I would've stayed home rather then travel! So because their ignorant... they came anyway, and did not hesitate to cough all over the place and spread germs... and you'd think someone would cover their mouth!! Anyway... I felt alright enough to go out, I had a couple drinks... but of course was regretting it. I have a very high alcohol intake so when I stopped at 2 Martini's Melissa knew something was wrong!! lol My stomach was bothering me to begin with but I still went out. By the time I got home... I was back and forth from the bathroom from about 4am until 8pm. I've been sleeping most of the day. Even now, I'm still laying in bed. I feel drained... I need to try to get a little bit of food in my system hoping that I can keep it down. I've been drinking gingerale which has helped a little bit, but not enough. I have to work at Davids Bridal tomorrow from 3-8... so I know it's going to be hectic running around with Bride's trying on so many dresses and so on and so forth. Hopefully I find the energy to do so! It's supposed to be crazy because New Years Eve is one of the biggest engagement days... so they say that it gets crazy that first weekend of the New Year... so wish me luck! I'm going to need it. Hopefully I won't be getting sick while I'm there.
I also have A LOT to do for A&T. I have to finish paperwork and take it there on Monday. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday is what they call Orientation and University experience. I guess I have to be there for both. I also have to call about the MADD program that I have to attend for the open container in a moving vehicle violation.... blaaah... I learned my lesson.. drive your own vehicle!!!!!!!!! lol I had big plans for today and didn't get to any of it! My bathroom isn't completed yet... But as soon as I'm feeling better and get it finished I will post some pics!