Sunday, May 17, 2009

blah blah blah!

So, I just booked my flight to fly to Buffalo this weekend... I leave on the 21st, and return on the 25th. I'm annoyed because the whole point in this trip was to go to my friends sisters wedding. I called her, and told her i booked the flight, and that I would be there thursday night (in 4 days), and she said "I'm sorry... I forgot and asked my ex boyfriend to go." To be honest, I probably wouldn't have wasted the money on a $100 dress, and $300 airfair, the dress isn't such an issue...I can always find somewhere to wear it... but I wouldn't have wasted the money on a flight had there been no need. I don't know I'm busy running all the time, and though I would like to see friends and family and go visit Rob, this weekend would've been a nice one to relax and get things in order with my 2 summer classes.... grrrr people need to get with it! SO, now rather than tell my mom and dad who paid for the dress and flight that I'm not longer attending, I'm still going to have to get all dressed up Saturday in the dress and show my dad and grandparents and "act" like I'm going to the wedding, but will actually probably end up going to do something else. I just can't tell my parents that i was univited and replaced with an EX b/f. Some friend huh? I'm just irritated because I would never say "yes i'll attend" and not go! To be honest, I really don't even want to go now! It's too bad the flight is non-refundable... But, At least I'll get to spend some time with my grandparents, dad, and brother. Go visit Josh, I haven't seen him since March :( and i will go visit my Roblem.

Tomorrow my summer classes start. First one is at 1:30pm A full 5 weeks of Psychological Statistics and African American Folklore. I'm debating whether or not to take classes the second summer session. I'm not sure what to do. I may see if any of my classes are available online, just incase... As much as I feel like I need a some time off, I also feel like I need to keep up with classes. I don't know! we'll see what happens. I hate math, so not that statistics is hard, but its mathematical and I don't really look forward to it. Thats why I opt'd to do a summer session instead of a full session because I just wanna get it over with quick!!
Well, that's about all I got for tonight. About to do some cleaning and head to bed. Hope all is well!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Back from the beach...

I drove home from the beach and got in last night. It was a really nice couple of days. I think next year I will take off the weekend and stay the full 5 days. The condo we stayed in was awesome!!

I worked today... my feet hurt... and all I can say is I look forward to the days when I'm out of retail.... I used to look forward to the days when I wasn't a now I feel that way about Bridal gowns! My feet hurt way too much for the amount of money I make!

This week has flown by... I work tomorrow, and back to classes on Monday!!! Feels like I haven't had any break at all. However, I decided to go to the bookstore and pick out some summer reading in addition to my school work. I feel like I don't read enough! I know I have all those text books and etc. but its not the same as reading for fun. I miss when I used to be able to sit down and read a book because I wanted to. I actually have a bunch of books... I started reading Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes while I was at the beach. I'm almost finished. I have 3 more chapters. It was really good actually... That's probably what I'm going to be doing for the rest of the night, finishing the book, and taking a hot bath and relaxing!! Haha funny story about my trip to the book store... I was looking at the books, not anything in particular, just looking for something to catch my eye, and I picked up a man while I was there... turns out I was in the "modern romance" section, and this very tall (about 6'1"ish) medium toned black man approached me and says " I'm a romantic myself... my name is Jerald, can I take you out to dinner one night?" Of course, I literally started laughing in his face as i shook his hand in return to him grabbing mine, so much the the book that was there flew in the air on to the ground! How original! he's "a romantic himself" So we talked breifly until his SON came over, and then he introduced his 16 year old son to me... I forget his name... I was too busy thinking to myself "omg, his kid is old enough to be my younger sibling" The son was CUTE tho... he reminded me of Urkel, I know that sounds mean, but as a child, I always adored Urkel...LOL I secretly had a crush on him and wished for someone to profess their love to me as much as Steve urkel did for Laura Winslow... Yeah yeah, I grew up on good ol' after school specials like Family Matters. I still watch them on nick at night! Anyhoo.... because, I know how it feels to be turned down and rejected, I have the hardest time doing it to other people, So I gave the man my number, and agreed to go out to dinner. He's been BLOWING UP MY PHONE. I swear he calls at least 6 times a day, everyday since Wednesday Morning when I gave him my number. What in the world?!?!?!? I talked to him once, well twice if you include the encounter at the book store. We determined he has a 16 year old son, and the man is old enough to be my father!!!!!! lol in fact, He's OLDER THAN MY REAL FATHER!!! lol Well, all 3 of my parents... My Dad is 41, my mom is 40, and my stepdad is 36. This man is 46. He has yet to ask me my age. I figure he thinks I'm older than 23 though, and doesn't know he's older than my parents. I think 6 times a day for 4 days straight is a bit much though... it actually kind of freaks me out... makes him seem either obsessive compulsive or desperate. I swear, only things like that happen to me! I meet all the crazy ones. He wasn't a bad looking older man, I'd maybe date an older man if there was a way to avoid the awkwardness of him being older than my own dad! lol and I don't mean awkwardness for me personally but I'm pretty sure it'd be uncomfortable for my parents, and they probably wouldn't be happy that he was so much older than me! lol

Ok, well with that being said, i'm going to get going and get in the hot bath and relax!! Have a good night!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

"Live your life today, like your stuff will be auctioned off tomorrow" - Tom Joyner

I like that quote... :) Tom Joyner's morning show usually cracks me up on the way to my classes... haha anyway!

I went to see the eye doctor, I have to get a new perscription for my glasses. Seems that I need less perscription. I asked how or why that happened, and the doctor couldn't tell me. He's got a really dry personality. He's from Michigan, I forgot where he said exactly... at some point I tuned him out annoyed that he couldn't explain to me why I need less perscription... maybe he just didn't want to tell me that he messed up on my last perscription?? eh who knows!

I GOT BANGS. I haven't had bangs since I was 7 years old. Jeez... 7 was a long time ago, it was a big decision. I thought about this for 3 days before deciding... and when I decided I rushed over to my Hair dresser and said "can u fit me into ur schedule I want bangs cut into my hair"... she squeezed me in... but first she said "are u sure?" don't ask me questions like that!! even if you think im making irrational spur of the moment decisions! I had to do it immediately before i put too much thought into it and changed my mind. haha. it'll take some getting used to, I'm just afraid having bangs makes my face look fat! But it's a change... a new look. I like it.

I also spent the day with my mom. I have to work Sunday, so her and I spent the day together to replace the fact that I won't be around on mother's day. It was nice. We didn't do too much. We had lunch and went to a couple stores. It's always nice to spend days like that with my mom.

I am so relieved that the semester is over... I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm so used to stressing and being stressed that it feels awkward right now to not be worrying about homework and papers and exams... ah! That's only for a short while though. Summer classes Start May 18th. Guess I should enjoy the down time for as long as i can!

I don't know what else to write about... I'm sleepy now, and have to work in the morning so I might try to catch some Z's!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I really like Antonique Smith. I wish she would get some kind of record deal and make a cd. She played Faith Evan's in the movie Natorious, but I think she has a beautiful voice, and I love this song!

I'm having trouble sleeping. Unfortunately I'm now on a terrible sleep schedule because of all the late night homework and studying. I wish I could fall asleep! Anyway just thought I'd share this clip. I love it!

Relax Time!!

This is exactly how I feel! Jeez I am tired. I been drinking coffee like crazy, but I think all the lack of sleep and hard work writing papers and studying with the late hours that I've had to keep if finally caught up with me. My last exam was this morning, and the semester is officially over!! I came home and intended on taking a 2 hour nap and ended up sleeping 4 hours. I must've needed it, but I'm still tired. I started working on cleaning the basement when I woke up though. I worked down there for a few hours and managed to get a lot done. I figure the lighter I make the load of stuff around here, the easier it will be for my mom to let me go and move out, and let her make the moves to move back to New York (if that's even still her plan. she's so flip floppy these days...) she knows what she wants she just never makes moves to get there... shes the type of person that says "i wanna do this, but I have to get mt ducks in a row" this is true to some extent, but what if your ducks are never in order, just because hey... thats your luck of the draw! I think you just gotta go with what feels best sometimes. She's just waiting around... i'll stop there before I get started on her indecisive ways! I may either finish the basement tonight, or finish it tomorrow. I'm working on one thing at a time. Plus, it will be good for me to go through all the boxes i have down there, and throw out the unnecessary crap that I hold on to.... Think it's time to let go of some of the things in those boxes. I always have the memories... thats good enough.

I got a letter from Rob this afternoon. They moved him to another Correctional Facility. He didn't give any reason, he just said that he will remain at this place until it is time for him to go home. My grandfather said that they probably moved him because it's getting close to his release date, and they didn't want other inmates messing with him. Guess that stuff tends to happen when they know a co-inmate in getting released soon they make problems for them, or fight them...try to kill them, etc. I couldn't handle that, so for the sake of his safety, I'm glad they moved him. Now I just have to figure out how to get to this new place to visit him. I'll be going home to Buffalo for a weekend at the end of the month for a friends wedding, so I'm going to go see him too. That will probably be the last time I see him before his "time free's up" lol he hates when i say that, but there in never any pun intended until he pointed out to me that it sounds funny to say that... haha he laughs at me. I know he's stressing about coming home, or being "free" He won't admit it, but I can tell he's scared. Whats gonna happen when he doesn't have a babysitter 24 hours a day 7 days a week telling him what time to get up, what time to go to sleep, what he can and cannot do. It will be an adventure. I know he's scared. I know he worries about "what if" he ended up back in there... Naturally, I'm optimistic and believe he won't end up in there, but Stats and CO's tell him once you go in, you usually find a way back... I guess Stats say that 97% of all inmates return to prison after they are released... doesn't leave much hope for that 3% huh? It is what it is... however, I think Rob will be ok... He has a lot of people that love him and are very supportive of him. As for me, I guess I'm nervous to see what happens if anything between him and I. We've been friends for almost 10 years... September will make it 10 years. I still remember meeting him my freshman year of high school... He was Captain of the football team... good grades... popular... etc. I always figured I was too fat for him to be interested in me considering his status, he was kinda mean to me, but I never really knew why for as mean as he was to me he still talked to me, and tried to remain in touch with me after he graduated and after I moved here to NC. He says he liked me... I don't believe it. lol

Oh, and did I mention one other small thing? He's married.

When him and I finally got into touch, about a year and a half into his jail time. I saw his screen name signed on AOL, and IM'd it... I thought maybe he was out of jail, but it was his dad... his dad asked who I was and I told him that Rob and I had gone to high school, and that my name was Arriel. His dad went back and told Rob, I was looking for him....LOL so not the case, I was just IM'ing who I thought was Rob to give him crap about his 4 year sentence and it being less than 2 years and he's signed on... but it wasn't! So then, Eugene (Rob's friend, my acquaintance from high school) went to see Rob, and Rob asked him about me... and Eugene came back and emailed me and said that Rob was looking for me, and to write him and give him my address so we could talk... LOL So, I sent rob a Birthday Card that said I know a birthday gift you'd love, but I'm sorry you can't have it... and when you opened it is said SEX on a pop up... haha I know so mean... considering the circumstances but that was always the sense of humor between him and I. The very first letter he wrote me said he was married and had a son.

While he's been in prison, he told me that his wife left him before he even went in. He makes a joke that she didn't even give him a 90 day trial period. I think she left him like 40 days after they were married. Then showed up saying she was pregnant and etc.

Turns out he recieved legal mail from the court that he had to attend a case in family court where another man was petitioning a paternity test for the baby. The results came back that the baby was not his. The baby was named after Rob, first name, middle name, last name, with a JR. after it.... Rob was devestated. The baby should be turning 4 this July. I still feel bad, because Rob spent so much time dwelling on his mistake and feeling guilty for not being there for the son that wasn't even his. His parents used to bring the baby every other weekend to see Rob. Then once the wife appeared in court and all that and recieved the results she never tried to contact Rob, or even explain... I guess there's not much to explain, I'm sorry would have maybe been nice. But Rob's family lost a baby that they grew very close too.

Even though he's been where he's at, I've been apart of A LOT of things in his life, so I can honestly say "we've gone through a lot together" during this time that he's had to do. I just want to make it clear to him, that even though I've been here for him when he's needed me, and I've sent him money when I've been able to, I don't want him to feel like it's an obligation for him to make a relationship with me. Everyone says that it would be the right loyal thing to do, but I was his friend before any of this, so why wouldn't I be a friend during and after.... besides... he's always found ways to contact me even when I've lost touch with him. So whatever happens will happen. I'll just be glad when it's over! However, if it results in us being together, DIVORCE, is first on the to-do list.... lol

I've rambled on so I will end this hear. I have to help my little brother study for his spelling test.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

white party/end of semster/updates

Hello! It's been almost another month since I've last posted, but luckily this hectic semester is coming to an end! I have one more exam tomorrow and then I have 10 days before summer classes start. I'm going to Myrtle Beach for 3 days, and working the rest. It's going to be a short little vacation. Overall the semester went well. I did pass everything. Not with all A's but B's, and I believe I got a C in Theories of Personality, but I can handle that... no biggie. with work and my other classes, I had to slack in one area, and it was that class! I only missed it by 2 points... u think the teacher coulda bumped it to a B for me... but eh... it's my own fault.
The pics I posted above are from the white Party... on May 2nd... the joke was that no one knew why I had to wear white when I already was white... haha i can handle the jokes! I lost approx. 20 pounds. I don't see it, not even in the pics... I really need to tone the flabby-ness. I guess I will put that on my summer to-do list!
I signed up to take 2 classes for the first summer session. I was going to do the second summer session as well, but decided I needed that break. I need time off just to get my thoughts and life together. I'm planning to move out this summer... so I need time to get all that squared away before the fall semester starts. I'm going to be graduating in May 2010. It's official that the date is May 2010! I'll have my BA. in Psychology... haha at the end of my name it will say A.A.S, A.A, B.A. lol that will be all 3 degrees. I still have a couple sciences that I need to take as prerequisite courses for dental school so that's the plan, to spend that year after graduation getting the sciences and studying for the DAT's. (dental admissions tests) I have a plan. I'm just so exhausted!!! I talked to my brother today, and he asked me when I'd be finished with school, and he was like OMG YOU'LL BE 30 by then!!!!!!! Yes, I will be but the pay off of being a Dr. and making the money will be worth all this time.
Rob will be coming home is less that 4 months. I'll be going home to spend sometime with him. I guess the idea is to see where it takes us. Discuss whether its the right thing to be "together" or just be friends... and if the decision is together, more than likely he will be moving to NC, unless I can get into Dental School at the University of Buffalo. I'm pretty flexible. I can do my sciences and prepare for Dental School at UB, or Chapel Hill. There's apart of me that does want to go back home to NY though. I feel like life would be different if I were around all my family... almost as if it would be easier. Then, I have mixed emotions because I've also made a life here in NC as well. I've met a lot of people through my jobs at Applebee's and David's Bridal, but also through school at A&T. However, most of them will be returning home once they graduate. It's funny how university life works. I guess i got used to community college and everyone being local. At a University, it's people from all over in a lecture hall who find ways to become acquainted and become friends... then when graduation is over they go their seperate ways, move to other states, or go back to the states or islands that they are from. It's very interesting. I enjoy where I go to school. I'm not one that see's white and black. I see me and you. I guess it sometimes bother's me that I'm told I'm not getting a good education because everything I'm learning about is based out of African American studies or research or affiliated with it in some way. I'm Native American and German. I feel that attending makes me more well rounded. I know my history, and I'm learning about years worth of history in a black perspective, and thats ok. I just don't see why it has to be such a big deal. I made the CHOICE to attend A&T. I could've went to a more diverse University, but I didn't want to. I like being an Aggie, and known for the name and pride that it holds... i look forward to becoming Alumni too. Plus I like the reaction when people ask me where I go to school... hahaha. Anyhow, I'm way off subject... back to Rob... we're going to work on that and see what happens. I'll graduate next year, and when he comes home in August he'll have 3 years of parole unless otherwise decided upon. He can have that transfered to NC if need be. Then, the other issue is... people make a big deal out of that. I don't know positively 100% that he's the one for me or the man of my dreams, but I do have feelings for him. I don't know what will come of them, but their there! I guess, what I'm saying is I'm tired of hearing people say that he will never become anything because he cant with a record. It may work between us, and it may not. I just wish people would mind their own business when it comes to personal issues. Everyone is so concerned with me becoming a Doctor, and his social status as a convict. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. I don't believe that a single mistake defines a person entirely... and IF we were to be together YES I would make more money than him, but why do people refer to him as "marrying me and joining the country club." it's not like that, and the relationship is no where near that level... so why put ideas into play that don't matter right now. Anything is possible, yes... but I will deal with it if the time arises!
I guess that's all there is from me for now. I have other updates, but I really need to get back to studying for Psychopharmacology. I have that exam tomorrow at 8am, so I need to be in bed early!
Hope all who are still out there reading are doing well. I hope to hear from you all soon!