Thursday, May 7, 2009

Relax Time!!

This is exactly how I feel! Jeez I am tired. I been drinking coffee like crazy, but I think all the lack of sleep and hard work writing papers and studying with the late hours that I've had to keep if finally caught up with me. My last exam was this morning, and the semester is officially over!! I came home and intended on taking a 2 hour nap and ended up sleeping 4 hours. I must've needed it, but I'm still tired. I started working on cleaning the basement when I woke up though. I worked down there for a few hours and managed to get a lot done. I figure the lighter I make the load of stuff around here, the easier it will be for my mom to let me go and move out, and let her make the moves to move back to New York (if that's even still her plan. she's so flip floppy these days...) she knows what she wants she just never makes moves to get there... shes the type of person that says "i wanna do this, but I have to get mt ducks in a row" this is true to some extent, but what if your ducks are never in order, just because hey... thats your luck of the draw! I think you just gotta go with what feels best sometimes. She's just waiting around... i'll stop there before I get started on her indecisive ways! I may either finish the basement tonight, or finish it tomorrow. I'm working on one thing at a time. Plus, it will be good for me to go through all the boxes i have down there, and throw out the unnecessary crap that I hold on to.... Think it's time to let go of some of the things in those boxes. I always have the memories... thats good enough.

I got a letter from Rob this afternoon. They moved him to another Correctional Facility. He didn't give any reason, he just said that he will remain at this place until it is time for him to go home. My grandfather said that they probably moved him because it's getting close to his release date, and they didn't want other inmates messing with him. Guess that stuff tends to happen when they know a co-inmate in getting released soon they make problems for them, or fight them...try to kill them, etc. I couldn't handle that, so for the sake of his safety, I'm glad they moved him. Now I just have to figure out how to get to this new place to visit him. I'll be going home to Buffalo for a weekend at the end of the month for a friends wedding, so I'm going to go see him too. That will probably be the last time I see him before his "time free's up" lol he hates when i say that, but there in never any pun intended until he pointed out to me that it sounds funny to say that... haha he laughs at me. I know he's stressing about coming home, or being "free" He won't admit it, but I can tell he's scared. Whats gonna happen when he doesn't have a babysitter 24 hours a day 7 days a week telling him what time to get up, what time to go to sleep, what he can and cannot do. It will be an adventure. I know he's scared. I know he worries about "what if" he ended up back in there... Naturally, I'm optimistic and believe he won't end up in there, but Stats and CO's tell him once you go in, you usually find a way back... I guess Stats say that 97% of all inmates return to prison after they are released... doesn't leave much hope for that 3% huh? It is what it is... however, I think Rob will be ok... He has a lot of people that love him and are very supportive of him. As for me, I guess I'm nervous to see what happens if anything between him and I. We've been friends for almost 10 years... September will make it 10 years. I still remember meeting him my freshman year of high school... He was Captain of the football team... good grades... popular... etc. I always figured I was too fat for him to be interested in me considering his status, he was kinda mean to me, but I never really knew why for as mean as he was to me he still talked to me, and tried to remain in touch with me after he graduated and after I moved here to NC. He says he liked me... I don't believe it. lol

Oh, and did I mention one other small thing? He's married.

When him and I finally got into touch, about a year and a half into his jail time. I saw his screen name signed on AOL, and IM'd it... I thought maybe he was out of jail, but it was his dad... his dad asked who I was and I told him that Rob and I had gone to high school, and that my name was Arriel. His dad went back and told Rob, I was looking for him....LOL so not the case, I was just IM'ing who I thought was Rob to give him crap about his 4 year sentence and it being less than 2 years and he's signed on... but it wasn't! So then, Eugene (Rob's friend, my acquaintance from high school) went to see Rob, and Rob asked him about me... and Eugene came back and emailed me and said that Rob was looking for me, and to write him and give him my address so we could talk... LOL So, I sent rob a Birthday Card that said I know a birthday gift you'd love, but I'm sorry you can't have it... and when you opened it is said SEX on a pop up... haha I know so mean... considering the circumstances but that was always the sense of humor between him and I. The very first letter he wrote me said he was married and had a son.

While he's been in prison, he told me that his wife left him before he even went in. He makes a joke that she didn't even give him a 90 day trial period. I think she left him like 40 days after they were married. Then showed up saying she was pregnant and etc.

Turns out he recieved legal mail from the court that he had to attend a case in family court where another man was petitioning a paternity test for the baby. The results came back that the baby was not his. The baby was named after Rob, first name, middle name, last name, with a JR. after it.... Rob was devestated. The baby should be turning 4 this July. I still feel bad, because Rob spent so much time dwelling on his mistake and feeling guilty for not being there for the son that wasn't even his. His parents used to bring the baby every other weekend to see Rob. Then once the wife appeared in court and all that and recieved the results she never tried to contact Rob, or even explain... I guess there's not much to explain, I'm sorry would have maybe been nice. But Rob's family lost a baby that they grew very close too.

Even though he's been where he's at, I've been apart of A LOT of things in his life, so I can honestly say "we've gone through a lot together" during this time that he's had to do. I just want to make it clear to him, that even though I've been here for him when he's needed me, and I've sent him money when I've been able to, I don't want him to feel like it's an obligation for him to make a relationship with me. Everyone says that it would be the right loyal thing to do, but I was his friend before any of this, so why wouldn't I be a friend during and after.... besides... he's always found ways to contact me even when I've lost touch with him. So whatever happens will happen. I'll just be glad when it's over! However, if it results in us being together, DIVORCE, is first on the to-do list.... lol

I've rambled on so I will end this hear. I have to help my little brother study for his spelling test.


Big Mark 243 said...

No really, I wouldn't describe you as 'fat', and ... well, I think you look fine. And that is that with that.

Glad for the paragraphs!! LOL!!!

Does WNAA still jam? That station is going to be a part of my next entry, once it finishes 'marinating' in my head. Or the one after that. It is soon, because I have 'hinted' at it for a while, and it is time to come clean.

Oh, and you THOUGHT you rambled??

Now, I think you are a lovely woman, and prolly have a good head on your shoulders. Good heart, and have your mind in a good place, heading towards a future of your own making.

I am not sure about what you feel for this Rob, but that recidivist rate is something else. Of course there are degrees to it, but it still bodes poorly for his prospects. You are going to school, working hard, and you envision something that is different than where you are coming from, maybe it is different from where Rob may be going to.

You feel me?

Hmm ... maybe I am speaking way out of turn. Don't know if you want to 'hear' anything about anything from me. It is more that the small slice of you that I have gotten to know, plus my fondness for Carolina, makes me feel a bond with you.

My sister talks about going to Carolina ... if she did, I would prolly go with her, wherever she went. I miss that place, it was the best times of my life.

You used a line about 'luck' ... sometimes it is what you draw, but you still choose how you play the cards. Look at you and how you are playing your hand!! I am happy as I can be for you. Don't risk what can happen for what is less likely to happen, no matter how you may be drawn to it.

Big Mark 243 said...

LOL ... it was 90. - something ... the radio station from the school!!

my email is, if you ever want to write to me ...