Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day 3... is almost over

I managed to get a little cleaning done. Made 2 seperate meals for the family... one for my diet, and one for them.... I so badly want to get on the scale... but I'm trying to avoid it. I know my weight fluctuates anyway, so getting on the scale only after 3 full days of this diet...and not seeing a loss will only discourage me.

I'm working at it...... I'm trying to stay focused on losing 23 pounds. I know that if I lose the 23 pounds that I've gained over the course of the year will put me back into the clothes I wore last summer which fit pretty snug currently. 23 pounds in a year is a lot of weight. I don't know where I lost track of what I was eating and doing and not doing to pack on that much weight. I kept saying I'd get to it when exams were over and graduation was done... and here I am almost 2 month after graduation, having gained an additional 8 pounds. I think that's what has gotten to me. However I think I am doing pretty well on my diet thus far. Usually my problem is eating right and setting boundaries... but right now it's so hot the thought of exercising and sweating makes me tired in itself!

Plus for whatever reason, I am just down. I feel tired all the time. I go to sleep tired, and I wake up tired. I have no energy... and I can't even say it's either this or that... because I think it's a combination of a few things. My weight is the highest its ever been. I know it's there because i can see it....every time I look in the mirror... but looks are besides the point... I don't like feeling it. I'm "blah". I don't do much as it is, but to feel tired for no reason is beyond me. Not to mention it is extremely hot. The weather channel keeps saying that the heat is in the mid to high 90's but the air is that of a 100-110 degree day. So with that being said, its hotter in the house than outside.... that drains me too.

I just feel so unlike myself... I feel unproductive and I don't like it. Maybe I just need to tackle one thing at a time instead of trying to work on EVERYTHING at once.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day # 2

I made it through...

Still not feeling my best, but what can i do?

Monday, June 21, 2010

Day 1 isn't so bad....

So, it's been months since I've written... and in that time a lot has changed.

I've graduated with my BA. in Psychology.
I've lost some loved ones and am still healing.
I've met many guys, but am caught up with 1 right now. That I just can't understand
I'm moving to NY. (so the guy above will be out of the picture soon)
I've gained an additional 8 pounds to my already high weight.
I'm sad.
I truly feel some days that I am depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. I even sleep the day away. For the most part I'm pretty good at hiding it.
I'm scared to move back home to Buffalo. So much has changed, and I have changed... where do I fit?

I could go on and on, about ME and my emotions, and where my life is going and not going. I'm 24 years old, and sometimes I feel so unaccomplished.

Today was the fist day of working on me.
I did a little packing, I've been following and doing very well on my diet... I forced myself to do this. Its either start now, or keep packing on the pounds, and I just cannot let that happen. I'm currently at the highest weight I have ever been.... I feel terrible. Not just emotionally over it, but physically... I have no energy and I am TIRED all the time... I dont want to feel this way. I look in the mirror and I don't even see myself anymore. That's a feeling I can't get past... that I need to change.

One day at a time, and today was the first of many to come.