Thursday, January 28, 2010

You Make Me LAUGH!

Sometimes I feel like I live in a soap opera. Everyday it's something new, but fueled by old drama... now with the word OLD being there, you assume that it's past tense... and it is... lol It's in my past. Why can't it be in yours? As if, slandering my name all over places like Myspace, and facebook aren't bad enough... lets post "flows" on comments about me. Funny, Funny. I'm not addressing this publicly, I'm venting in my blog because... the least they know gets to me... the better off I am in the end! I wish that a certain someone would just leave it alone and let it be. We tried the relationship route, it didn't work. He cheated on me, and abused me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I tried to put all that behind me and let it go, so we tried the friend route, that only led to more problems... So JUST LET IT BE!!!

I may be a lot of things... I'm fine with you expressing your feelings in calling me a fat bitch, and its no secret, I'm overweight and insecure about my weight... Call me that, so be it... I may be crazy, sure, but you pushed me and provoked me to lash out irrationally. You thought my emotions were a game! But one thing I am not... is a Whore! It's funny how that could be said, when all I can say is if that isn't calling the kettle black... then I do not know what is. It's always a game, I'm always the "loser" the one below my opponent. I'm just so tired of this! Can't you just leave me alone. I tried so hard because I thought after years of what we had gone through together that we could be friends. I've sacrificed my own life, my family, my friends, and even my self respect to keep you happy... It's just not worth it! I can't take it. I learned you, over the years I learned you very well. But I'm so tired of things being so ONE sided. It's always your way, your story, your "truth" and I'm just the "dumb fat white bitch." I appreciate you going out and telling different guys to sleep with me, and posting my personal business and our past personal sex life in what you think is a mastermind "flow" on myspace. WHY? I have nothing to say about you.

I know you well enough, to know and admit that YES, when it comes to you, I made one mistake! You bad mouth me constantly, and hurt my feelings, and then you want to tell me that you have another female in your life (like it affects me) and she wants to beat my ass (why? because your telling her about me, and blatantly LYING to someone who DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ME) Then you want to tell me how it's sad that I'm so lonely and have no one in my life... and then you want to tell me that without a doubt I'm going to settle. I should've bit my tongue and let it go but in return, I did tell you "Well don't we all settle at some point- including your sister... she settled too and married an abusive controlling man" I should've just kept my mouth shut, but it's unfair- YOU can put me down, and put my family down... and the minute I say something in return about anyone you know... you're out to get me. I knew better. I did, but as some point enough is enough! YOU are NOT going to walk all over me anymore. I do not appreciate the things you have to say about me, and YOU let it be known about all the "skinny" bitches you cheated on me with. I was a fool, everyone who knows me and knows you, knows that I let you walk all over me. But that was then. Since then, I've done nothing, but try to take the high road. I try not to speak of you or about you. I try to forget that an "us" ever existed. You tell me I'm the one with the problem... but you do nothing but push and push and push, and provoke me until I do something about it, and the minute I do- you always want to call my parents and lie to them, tell them I'm pregnant with your baby (when you know they hate you for all the trouble you've caused) then you want to put me down to everyone!!! You bring nothing but turmoil to my life. You won't leave me alone, but constantly remind me that I'm not good enough for you, I'm not skinny enough for you and your 280 pound 6 foot self. I tried to be civil, I really did. You said you wanted to be friends and you wanted to meet out so we could talk, and I met you out- and you set me up, to get jumped by that girl! You stood there and watched her beat my ass, I won't even lie about that, but that was the last straw, you didn't care that I was bleeding from the beer bottle she broke and cut me with... infact u supplied it and laughed. So fine, let everyone know that too, as you already post and tell everyone about. I really hate you. I tried to forgive you, because I know you have problems of your own, that need to psychologically evaluated... But then you threatened my grandparents... and that hurt me more than any of the abuse you've ever done to me. You play mind games with me... to get me to talk to you, and be friends with you... out of FEAR that you'll start problems with my family. Please just let me go.... if you ever loved me at all... LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

Now, I know you know "Mr. Text Message" - I know he's a mutual friend of ours, but how could you post such vulgar things about me on his Myspace... and what pisses me off even more... Mr. Text Message- HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THEM THERE WHEN I ASKED YOU TO REMOVE THEM!!!!!!!! AND YOU CALL YOURSELF MY FRIEND!!!! I'm throwing in the towel. Game over... you all win. I hope you sleep well at night. I hope you both enjoy hurting me, and publicly humiliating me. I appreciate everything. You've brought such clarity to my life.


Tawnya said...

First of all you are not alone, you have me. I know I can not be there in person, but I am here if you need to talk. It is hard when people do this to you. If you stay silent, then they keep it up and try to get you to say or do something. If you do something about it you are crazy and unstable. I have been there. Hugs.