Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lonely Sunday...

I pretty much spent all of today... alone, and by myself. It's been ok, I was able to get some homework done. Not as much as I had intended to get done, but at least I managed to complete some of it.

I was actually in a pretty good mood, until a friend wanted to take his frustrations out on me I guess... What is it with people? He text me, and I text him back and in return asked him why he was being short with me, and he said no reason... another short answer which is not at all like him. I asked him what was wrong with him and again he said nothing... so I was like ok, I'll c ya I'm not gonna bother you...and he responds with "whatever" now I know him well enough to know that when he says whatever its a sarcastic tone, but why the hell am I going to continue to conversate with someone who is clearly in a mood, and being short with me... NOW HE TEXT me first!!! so i responded... don't bother texting me if your going to give me 1-2 word answers... just don't waste my time, and definitely don't bother me if your in a bad mood, because I'm now in a bad mood.... His last text said "wow i dont know what your problem is but i dont have one you wanna act like that don't bother talking to me ever again" -- so heres my thing, if you intentionally text me to start an argument and say were never going to talk again... why couldn't you just be straight forward about it rather than starting a un-needed argument about what i don't even know!!!!! Why because I said that I didn't have time for him being short with me?? UGH!!! Why even bother... it is what it is... and all I have to say is ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!

So, I went to the store this afternoon, and bought the supplies to make these homemade shower invitations, but I'm not going all out. I bought very basic supplies. I've known this girl for 10 years now... and I'm going to make them... I expect nothing in return. I also decided I wasn't going to buy her anything more than what I did and I honestly only spent $28 on the clearance baby clothes, and maybe another 15-20 on the supplies for these cards. I'm not being cheap... I'm just still not totally sold on her apology. We had a falling out... some things got said, and I truthfully do not care if her hormones are off balance or whatever her case may be. As far as considering her my friend... nah... I no longer trust her.... I confronted her on the issue at hand, and that's when our big blow out occurred and things were said that I just can't forgive. I'll let it go, but as far as the friendship we had 5 years ago or even a year ago... is not going to happen. My feelings were hurt... Now, in the past I have dated black men, but thats not my preference. In fact I don't believe in that nonsense for myself- maybe someone else does- but to each their own. I have absolutely no problem dating a white man... if that is the case so be it! However, I went out with a friend- who is a white guy- and my so called "best friend" sent him a text message when he was out with me and said "don't get too attached- she only dates ni****rs" Now, you can fill in the blank letters if you want, BUT contrary to her choice of words I DO NOT use that word at all. Now, I understand that people have their own opinions, but if your my best friend, your going to accept me for all my choices... and no you dont have to agree with them. Also, the guy didn't even have to show me this text message, but he did- and quite honestly I'm glad he did, because it's nice to know what people have to say about you after 10 yrs of friendship... I can't forgive her for that. But for her to say that to him, I don't see the point- she didn't know him and I were out together... she has nothing to do with him anyways... we had all gone to school together so we were all mutual friends... the only thing that i can think of is maybe there's jealousy issues... but there shouldn't be... she's pregnant by another man, and a few years ago when he asked her out on a date- she turned him down for her childs father... and he went on to find another girl... now I'm not saying anything will happen between me and the guy because its hard for me to picture him 24 yrs old when I remember him when we were 13....LOL but still- it's not her place... and she is not in control of my life. I friendship can't be fixed, but I'm not the type to hold grudges... I'll do her invites, and give her the gift I bought.... I'll see her occassionally, but we wont be hanging out... My life is going in a different directions, my friends are going to change. She chose to quit school and only complete her GED... now shes having a baby by a guy who I won't even call a man because he's not... he's 27 with nothing to offer. I'm not saying that I'm better than or above anyone... but the company I keep will change drastically in my professionalism. It's just a fact of life. Besides... that knife cut far too deep with her especially considering I made the choice to go to an all black university... and I'm very well accepted- and no one, none of them have to accept me at all. That is a black establishment. I'm thankful for the opportunities I've been given there, and I'm thankful for all the people I've met, I truly believe that I've become a better more well rounded person because of it... that's something that this "friend" will never experience or understand. Close minded people get no where in life. I am who I am, and I see no color. Love has no color... so she can really go on with all her nonsense. It's sad that she's like this, and she's going to want our friendship back.. but it'll never be the same.

I have a busy day tomorrow. 3 classes and another meeting with the chair of the psch dept. about my independent study... and home for homework and studying... 4 tests this week- what a nightmare!

Goodnight all.


Big Mark 243 said...

You got it all out, sweetie?

That has to hurt when someone that you though you knew well enough to call a friend tries to back stab you like that. Goes to show that she has a deeper resentment besides your getting affection from and returning them to 'the brothers'.

The race issue is a funny thing... you, my SFC, prolly have more 'soul' than I ever will! The thing for me has been not fitting in with any group in particular. But that is for my story, one day maybe!

As far as the friend, you are a young woman... I think you should pick and choose who you go out for and do things for. Even though you aren't going 'all out', this friend won't see it that way. She doesn't have a lot of class and see you as someone available to use.

You are better than that. Start pruning some bad branches so that you can continue your growth. Same with the cat you had the texts with. As I read that, I thought 'he's gamin'. Getting you to think about him and try to make sense out of something.

A cat just wants to get into a girls head... you know the saying 'their's no such thing as bad publicity?' Same kind of thing applies to getting into a girls head, heart and panties. Trust me on this, honey.

If that cat is someone you can do without, then you better do without him. I don't know how your heart lies... you had it open for a couple of cats, and you still missed one who is no longer with us. To me, that makes you vulnerable to someone who is on the 'get over' mission.

Focus on school, then getting your career in gear. You are hot, sexy and smart. I wouldn't worry if I were you about finding good friends or finding lasting love!! Both will come into your life as long as you do you!!