Thursday, November 6, 2008

I'm Tired...

drained, physically, educationally... and mostly emotionally. In the last 2 years, I've been forced to deal with things that I have not wanted to do, deal with, or have to go through . I have this big platter, it's not even a plate anymore... full of so much! I don't even know where to begin. So I guess, I start slowly...

I'm trying to reconstruct my life for the better. I'm a mess, I know that sounds normal for most people in their early 20's but I hate how I feel!

I'm broken, and searching for all the missing peices to put myself back together, mainly my heart. I have a doctors appointment at the end of this month, and am going to talk to her about seeking a permenant psychiatrist/counselor of some sort... I'm not crazy, I just need to talk to somebody. I don't want to be put on any type of medication, but I feel so horrible most days that maybe I need to! I have problems sleeping, and its gradually getting worse based on the stresses in my life. I remember being so much stronger than I am right now. I lost that somewhere along the way,and I hate that I allow people to get the best of me.

I'm on a journey to find myself... to find the meaning of my life, and to live a healthier life.... I'm unhappy with myself, and the things I've done, and let people do to me. I know everything comes with time, but I'm in such a down pour in life right now! I want to find the quickest way out, because who I've been is not who I am.

I wanna be happy, I want to be able to smile again... I genuinely want to feel good... because I deserve to. It's a work in progress.


Linda said...

i will be here to cheer you on along your journey! Linda