Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Checking In.

Sometimes I have no idea where I'm going with my life. All I can do is take it one day at a time, and go from there.

I've been accepted to NC A&T State University, so there will be lots of changes in that department. I start January 8th, and the college is about an hour away from my house, so there will be lots of driving time as of right now. I'm now working on my BA. in psychology... so its going to be a new experience... the "real" college experience now.

I'm doing better with Josh not being here anymore. I don't cry nearly as often as I did, but its still hard... and it definitely takes time. Thanksgiving will be hard because thats the one holiday that i saw him every year. It also reminds me of the time we got into the moonshine. haha that was a good time. I still miss him. Today is one of those days thats harder than others infact I opted not to go home for thanksgiving because i'm not ready to celebrate without Josh.

Rob and I have run into some complications in our "relationship" They switched him to a different prison a little bit further away, and he's having a really hard time adjusting. He won't be home til August, so he's been really stressed out and etc. so it's kind of put a strain on things between us... it's not going too well. I don't understand it completely but he said he wanted to do the rest of his time alone, and for me not to worry about him because he's ok, he just feels like hes a burden on me (hes really not in my opinion). He said he has nothing to offer me because of the mistakes he made, so he doesnt understand why I would want love him or want to be with him. He said i have more going for myself, and he doesn't anymore. I don't know how I feel. It kind of upset me, but I really don't know what he's going through. I've never been in this situation before. I guess basically all I can do is wait and see what happens and let him know that nothing has changed in the way I feel toward him. So over the next 8 months I'll just focus on me and school. When he come's home we'll straighten things out then. It just makes me feel bad, because I wish there was something I could do... I'm a fixer and this is something I can't fix right now.

I've officially gained back the 15 pounds that i lost over the summer. Their definitely back, and I'm feeling like crap! So after thanksgiving is over... and the leftovers are gone... I'm hitting the gym, and getting a meal plan started! I need to make a better plan for myself health wise. It's getting to be rediculous, because I keep putting it off and saying 'I can get to it later' NOT TRUE... because I never get to it. I learned circuit training in my one class and I love it! This semester is almost over, so I'll have a few weeks to work something out. I'll be at the gym too because I'm wasting 60 bucks a month to not even go!
Well I just wanted to check in... Hope you all enjoy your thanksgiving!


Linda said...

It sounds like you are getting better. Taking things one day at a time is the best way. If things are meant to be between you two you will know when he gets out and is home and able to be with you. Good Luck with the eating plan! Linda

Allison said...

Things will get better. Life is all about change, and things happen for a reason and who knows what lies in the future. Excited that you are going for you BA in Psych! That is a wonderful subject, take it from me. : ) Help others and help yourself. Have a happy Thanksgiving and embrace life always. : )

Joann said...

Hi Arriel, Thanks for visiting me. I just read through your recent entries and first of all, I'm really glad that your mom is recovering well. I'm SO sorry about Josh, I'm not sure but I'm guessing he was your cousin, a very close cousin... that's so very sad... and it DOES take a long time to get through something like that, he was VERY young. As for Rob, it sounds like he really cares about you if he's telling you to go on with your life until he comes home. I hope things go well when he does come home. Take Care of YOU!! And Congrats on getting into NC A&T State Univ!!!

Big Mark 243 said...

Freakin' AGGIE PRIDE!! Didn't graduate from the school on Market Street, but I crashed around for a couple of years in the 90's!

Greensboro is one of the best places in the country, and I miss it still. So good for you that you got there (from where, I know not).

I will try to follow you along for a bit... you stirred up some 'homecoming' feelings for me. Seems like things are, how can I say this ... 'intriguing' for you right now.

Rob and Josh ... thinking one is 'on ice'. Is one of them yr bf?

Anyway, congrats on going to A&T!

Tawnya said...

I found you through Mark. I am working on my Associates in Psychology... I have a friend who is Iraq who basically told me the same thing that Rob said to you, now they are in different places but the intention is the same. I still drop him little emails from time to time. He doesn't answer me, but he knows that I still care... Maybe try this with Rob... Once a month drop him a short note....