Saturday, February 20, 2010

Thank Goodness for the weekend

It's been a little while since my last post. I've been super stressed in addition to pms'ing- I've been in major bitch mode, and I'm very disappointed with weightloss progress. It's going and getting no where. I'm 1.2 pounds lighter. Thats about all I can say. lol I hate working out. I have to force myself to do it... I guess I'm going to have to force myself to do more of it as well, because whatever I'm doing just isn't kicking me into weightloss mode. But then again, stress is overtaking.

I had a complete meltdown the other it's kind of funny now, but I was crying and etc. because I'm under a lot of pressure. This semester of 21 credit hours seems a lot harder for some reason. I was doing some paperwork for the college I am transferring to this summer, and became extremely overwhelmed with all of it, and the requirements I need to complete for dental school. In fact, because of all these additional prereq's. I may be set back a year longer than I intended. I can only hope for the best. I guess if I'm finished with all my schooling and a doctor of dentistry by the time I'm 30, then I guess I should consider myself as successful. Is a year really going to make that much of a difference in my life? I don't know, but ultimately I broke down because of all of these thoughts. I did a little research and found that on average, people don't complete dental school and start their career until around the age of 30. So I will just fall into the average category... I don't know. I am still stressed about it. I need a real job. I need to be able to make real money as well. lol I need to get a place of my own to call "home" I just feel like being 24 and living at home is getting to be too much. I know my parents want me at home, but I don't consider myself a child, and see all my friends that are 24 married with kids and buying homes, and I question myself on where I've gone wrong in my life? I have no serious relationship to even consider marriage. I have no children, I'm not even in graduate school yet. When will I have time for all these things?

I won't even be able to begin a family until I'm 30... It honestly makes me sad, because it's someting I want. I'm clearly not at any stage in life to be having children or a husband, but for some reason I feel like by the time I'm 30, its just too old to start that life. In reality, I won't even be starting that life at 30. At 30 I'll just be finishing school and getting started with my career. Maybe the kids and husband aren't apart of the picture for oh well. I made my choices and school was where I chose to go in life versuses working on relationships.... Guess I'm tired of being in a loveless relationship I call school!... well it's not even that. I love going to school because I know its going to get me where I want to be in life, however, i don't love the stress it puts on me, and it doesn't necessarily love me back... it doesn't comfort me when I'm sad or stressed or having a meltdown.... it's generally the

I just wonder when my time for true happiness is going to come. Will I ever find a person that is going to love me, and respect me, and support me when I need them.... or am I going to have to continue to count on myself for everything I need. I have my family yes. But it's not the same as having a significant other. I dislike seeing that all my "friends" have the things I want- minus the education... they chose husbands and babies, and I chose education and money. So ultimately who's happier in the end... me or them?

I'm glad its the weekend, but I still have a lot of things to do. I also need to force myself to exercise today and tomorrow. I guess something is better than nothing!

Hope you all are well.


Big Mark 243 said...

Hmmm... what do you want ME to say??

You are further along in the game than you think. You are doing you, your husband and children a favor by getting your career going. You want to build a family but you do need something to build with.

Making yourself as attractive as possible for a good partner is what you are doing now. Successful people find other successful people to start those idyllic families with. You haven't found that cat yet, not by any real stretch of the imagination.

This isn't to invalidate any of your relationships, but it is to say that this is what growth is all about. When you look back with perspective, I would not be surprised if you can acknowledge the 'I can't believe I was in crazy love with...' over those cats.

When you think about that house, car, and kids, who is out there mowing the lawn for you when you get home? What kind of vacay plans do you expect to have and do you see the cat you are going to make those plans with?? Maybe you can... maybe you can't. But because you are wondering 'when', believe that you are going to meet him.

Men are cautioned and warned about committing to someone too soon. That they have to have certain things in order before they settle down in a relationship. Women aren't so fortunate. Y'all live with that 'gotta find a man, gotta have kids' things and it factors in making hasty decisions. I know, because I HAVE BEEN SOMEONE ELSE'S HASTY DECISION... TWICE!!

I am sure if you asked them if they chose unwisely because they got what I call 'the yips' about finding and securing love. There are also two other ladies who stuck to their guns and they went on to have fulfilling and professionally successful lives. Only one married and have kids (two beautiful children), but the other is raking in the dough, mid six figures working for an international company.

My point with the latter is if you asked them if waiting until they were truly ready was worth overcoming the impatience of when they THOUGHT they were ready was worth it, they'd tell you 'yes'.

It isn't going to be long before you are filling cavities, rushing to little league or girl scouts and in a truly deep and loving relationship. Think of patience as a thing you do until you are doing the things you desire.

Patience prepares.

Tawnya said...

Oh wow. Um, let me just say that you have no idea what is in your future, you may meet someone at the new school. You can not base the fact that you will not have that kind of life on the fact that you don't have it NOW. It does not work that way. I understand about being overwhelmed at school cause I am there too!!! Hugs to you!!!!