Last Day of 2009

I'm taking some time to myself... I'm relaxing, thinking over the things I want to be different about 2010. I don't want to just make resolutions... every year I make resolutions and somehow I fall off the band wagon of getting them done.

I am however, making some progress in my life. 2010 is going to be a new year, and a good one at that... God willing! I'm ready to put my best foot forward. Time for a new me!! Well, Not so much a new me, because I do like me... but preferably an improved me :)

I just wanted to wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Exciting New Year!!!

Back to Basics

Back to the Basics is where I'm heading! 2010 is vastly coming upon us, and it's time to get my ducks in a row. I have one semester left of my Bachelor's degree, and Graduation is May 8th, 2010. I want to lose some weight by then... so starting Monday... it's a new game for me! I'm starting small and very basic.

Guidelines:
*Restrict Calories
*Eat Healthier
*Drink more water
*Cardio 5-6 days a week.

I'm out of work because I ran into some troubles with the screws and plates in my right ankle, so there is no reason for me not to get my cardio in. I've become very concerned with my health the last few weeks.

My grandfather on my mothers side has diabetes and had heart surgery this past August... My grandfather on my fathers side also had diabete's and had numerous heart surgeries. He recently went in for his last surgery Monday December 14th, and Passed away December 17th, due to complications. His organs eventually gave out and my poor father had to make the decision to take him off life support. There's many things I need to take into consideration health wise, and at 24 years old... It's time for me to get to work with it. I need to make sure that I take care of myself to the best of my ability due to all the health complications in my family.

I'm also going to try to get back into journaling here. It helps. With that being said, this will conclude my first entry of hopefully many more to come!

Hope all is well with everyone and MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!

Rest In Peace John R. Zwelling October 15, 1940 - December 17, 2009

Cleaning out my closet... Literally

So I started cleaning today... I found a lot of old things in my closet that its time to get rid of and some things that I don't understand why I'm holding on to. There's also things that I'm not packing away in there and trying to forget about... well not so much forget but get over...

First things first... Rob and I... yeah, that's not right. haha there's no such thing but a bunch of lies written in letters that hurt. Why is it that people make these promises and cannot follow through. I am a firm believer in my word. I know I go against my word to myself all the time, but when I give my word and make promises to other people I do anything and everything possible to keep it. I really had feelings for Rob. He was a big deal to me, and he came home and wanted nothing to do with me. He barely speaks to me... So really I guess were not even friends. You live and learn right? I just thought so much more of him than this... but go figure... I had been warned and well it turned out to be what everyone said it would be... USED, and me left disappointed and feeling like I let my guard down... AGAIN. So I'm finally putting the letters away. Some I've gone back and reread over the last few weeks trying to understand, but it's time for me to move on. I have more opportunities in my life than to worry about someone who took advantage and lost. It just sucks because I took 2 years of my life and put it all into him because of all the things we talked about... being together and etc. I know truthfully that my weight has something to do with it. I'm not stupid. I've saw his exes... I'm twice their size.

I'm spending my weekend stressing and worrying about what could be absolutely nothing!! Making myself sick! I went to the doctors Thursday... I had blood work done and some x-rays taken... they called my house phone Friday when I specifically wrote on my chart to call my cell phone because its a sure thing to get in touch! They left a message, and by the time I got it, it was too late to call them back... so I can't find out why they were calling until Monday when they open... So, I'm worried... is it serious or is it nothing... the blood work is what scares me! Hopefully their just calling about the results of my x-rays because I've been having a lot of pain where my 9 screws and 2 metal plates are. I'm hoping I don't need another surgery... but that would be the least of my worries. The ONLY reason I worry about the blood tests is because for one I'm native american... I'm always paranoid about being diabetic or having something wrong with my thyroid (hence my weight issues) and things like that run in my family. And though I get tested regularly... I've been in 2 relationships with 2 unfaithful cheating dogs... need I say more?!?!? I haven't been with anyone like that in a long time... still i worry because things can show up and ugh! I need to stop talking about it because like I said, I make myself sick worrying about the irresponsible things I've done in the past out of "love" and passion and plain out being young and STUPID!! So as much as I hate to say it... please HURRY UP monday and pleeeease be good news!

I'm leaving Friday, heading to NY to get my grandparents and off to Canada for Thanksgiving on Monday. My grandfather is Canadian, so we're going up there to see that family. It will be some nice time off from school... and a chance to get away! I need a little mini vacation.

I need to get serious about "changing my life" for the better in more ways than 1 way! I'm not putting 100% in to school, and theres no reason for me not to. I'm just so blah and it never fails its always something and I get in these little depression ruts and I don't like it! I know theres no quick fix to anything, but sometimes I wish there was!

Hope all are well, and enjoying your weekend!

Hmm...

Well, I haven't been here in months. I miss blogging! Anywho... I'm planning to come back to blog, its a calming relaxing vent with feedback. Hopefully you guys are still out there. It's fall...FINALLY...and I'm loving it!

I have lots of plans! So Hopefully things will go a planned.

School is kicking my butt! 7 classes this semester... I need to refocus and stay focused! Hard work will and does pay off... so I need to put my best foot forward starting now!

I'm not longer working at David's Bridal. What a nightmare to say the least!! I'm not working at all actually and to be honest I'm really enjoying it. I have more time to focus on me and my school work... so we'll see how long this can last for me until I need to go back to work.

Anyway, If any of ya'll are still out there blogging... Let me know your out there!! i look forward to hearing from you guys and posting again! Lots of stuff to blog about and post... so hopefully I have everyones support!

Hope all is well!

Health, wealth, and happiness

xoxo

what a day!

So... I was written up today. LOL I'm laughing because I don't even understand why. I was just told that my "performance" would be re-evaluated on June 27th. I asked my manager to explain why I was being written up, and she said something about my "demeanor being to stern" and my productivity for the month of may was low... mind you there's 31 days in May, and out of those 31 days. I worked 9!!! So yea, I think my productivity was a little LOW. Now, as for me being stern?? I think not... I beg to differ. I think their trying to set me up to get "fired" with 3 write ups because I question what is really going on in that place! I'm not afraid to ask WHY? and ask for an explanation, and yes. I am a bit puzzled when 3 women who are 'in charge" cannot give me a straight answer. Maybe I am stern if the definition of stern is: not fake, and won't pretend. That's not me. In fact I am probably one of the realest most honest people you will ever meet. Now my honesty is not in that that I am mean, and bold, I will BEND the truth to tell a Bride she looks beautiful in a dress if I can tell in her facial expression that she is in love with a gown, because it's her dream...not mine. I am not trying to be funny, but in all honesty David's Bridal is the IHOP of Bridal gowns and they act like they are Klinefelds in NYC. David's bridal is "affordable" bridal wear. So, we'll see if I get written up again in my re-evaluation. I was given 2 weeks...lol ok now this is the funny part. I was given 2 weeks to improve my productivity. Ok. 2 weeks=14 day...correct? so I am scheduled to work 4 out of those 14 days. I have a 2.8 out of 5.0 percent level of productivity out of the 9 days I worked in May. In the 4 days I'm scheduled to work. I have to raise my productivity to 5.0 percent... SO either I get lucky and do it, or I get written up. This is beyond me. But whatever. I'm going to contact the unemployment office just to see what the "laws and regulations are" Not that I want to be on unemployment... I enjoy working, but I need to know how this stuff works. I've never been fired. And, if they "screw me over" and I'm able to collect unemployment... I will. Just because I don't feel that these are legitimate write ups. There's no customer complaints at all. Ugh. I got a headache from all this and trying to understand it.

School is stressful enough! The semester is over June 24th. lol thats 7 or 8 days, and in I have 11 summaries, a research paper, a book review, a presentation, and several stats labs to complete. I'm having a time and half with that let alone dealing with...excuse my language... BULLSHIT...from work!

Anyway. Hope everyone is well. I need something to eat and to destress. I am so thankful that I do not have to work tomorrow, and can sleep in and spend the rest of the day doing all this school work!

blah blah blah!

So, I just booked my flight to fly to Buffalo this weekend... I leave on the 21st, and return on the 25th. I'm annoyed because the whole point in this trip was to go to my friends sisters wedding. I called her, and told her i booked the flight, and that I would be there thursday night (in 4 days), and she said "I'm sorry... I forgot and asked my ex boyfriend to go." To be honest, I probably wouldn't have wasted the money on a $100 dress, and $300 airfair, the dress isn't such an issue...I can always find somewhere to wear it... but I wouldn't have wasted the money on a flight had there been no need. I don't know I'm busy running all the time, and though I would like to see friends and family and go visit Rob, this weekend would've been a nice one to relax and get things in order with my 2 summer classes.... grrrr people need to get with it! SO, now rather than tell my mom and dad who paid for the dress and flight that I'm not longer attending, I'm still going to have to get all dressed up Saturday in the dress and show my dad and grandparents and "act" like I'm going to the wedding, but will actually probably end up going to do something else. I just can't tell my parents that i was univited and replaced with an EX b/f. Some friend huh? I'm just irritated because I would never say "yes i'll attend" and not go! To be honest, I really don't even want to go now! It's too bad the flight is non-refundable... But, At least I'll get to spend some time with my grandparents, dad, and brother. Go visit Josh, I haven't seen him since March :( and i will go visit my Roblem.

Tomorrow my summer classes start. First one is at 1:30pm A full 5 weeks of Psychological Statistics and African American Folklore. I'm debating whether or not to take classes the second summer session. I'm not sure what to do. I may see if any of my classes are available online, just incase... As much as I feel like I need a some time off, I also feel like I need to keep up with classes. I don't know! we'll see what happens. I hate math, so not that statistics is hard, but its mathematical and I don't really look forward to it. Thats why I opt'd to do a summer session instead of a full session because I just wanna get it over with quick!!

Well, that's about all I got for tonight. About to do some cleaning and head to bed. Hope all is well!

Back from the beach...

I drove home from the beach and got in last night. It was a really nice couple of days. I think next year I will take off the weekend and stay the full 5 days. The condo we stayed in was awesome!!

I worked today... my feet hurt... and all I can say is I look forward to the days when I'm out of retail.... I used to look forward to the days when I wasn't a waitress...lol now I feel that way about Bridal gowns! My feet hurt way too much for the amount of money I make!

This week has flown by... I work tomorrow, and back to classes on Monday!!! Feels like I haven't had any break at all. However, I decided to go to the bookstore and pick out some summer reading in addition to my school work. I feel like I don't read enough! I know I have all those text books and etc. but its not the same as reading for fun. I miss when I used to be able to sit down and read a book because I wanted to. I actually have a bunch of books... I started reading Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes while I was at the beach. I'm almost finished. I have 3 more chapters. It was really good actually... That's probably what I'm going to be doing for the rest of the night, finishing the book, and taking a hot bath and relaxing!! Haha funny story about my trip to the book store... I was looking at the books, not anything in particular, just looking for something to catch my eye, and I picked up a man while I was there... turns out I was in the "modern romance" section, and this very tall (about 6'1"ish) medium toned black man approached me and says " I'm a romantic myself... my name is Jerald, can I take you out to dinner one night?" Of course, I literally started laughing in his face as i shook his hand in return to him grabbing mine, so much the the book that was there flew in the air on to the ground! How original! he's "a romantic himself" So we talked breifly until his SON came over, and then he introduced his 16 year old son to me... I forget his name... I was too busy thinking to myself "omg, his kid is old enough to be my younger sibling" The son was CUTE tho... he reminded me of Urkel, I know that sounds mean, but as a child, I always adored Urkel...LOL I secretly had a crush on him and wished for someone to profess their love to me as much as Steve urkel did for Laura Winslow... Yeah yeah, I grew up on good ol' after school specials like Family Matters. I still watch them on nick at night! Anyhoo.... because, I know how it feels to be turned down and rejected, I have the hardest time doing it to other people, So I gave the man my number, and agreed to go out to dinner. He's been BLOWING UP MY PHONE. I swear he calls at least 6 times a day, everyday since Wednesday Morning when I gave him my number. What in the world?!?!?!? I talked to him once, well twice if you include the encounter at the book store. We determined he has a 16 year old son, and the man is old enough to be my father!!!!!! lol in fact, He's OLDER THAN MY REAL FATHER!!! lol Well, all 3 of my parents... My Dad is 41, my mom is 40, and my stepdad is 36. This man is 46. He has yet to ask me my age. I figure he thinks I'm older than 23 though, and doesn't know he's older than my parents. I think 6 times a day for 4 days straight is a bit much though... it actually kind of freaks me out... makes him seem either obsessive compulsive or desperate. I swear, only things like that happen to me! I meet all the crazy ones. He wasn't a bad looking older man, I'd maybe date an older man if there was a way to avoid the awkwardness of him being older than my own dad! lol and I don't mean awkwardness for me personally but I'm pretty sure it'd be uncomfortable for my parents, and they probably wouldn't be happy that he was so much older than me! lol

Ok, well with that being said, i'm going to get going and get in the hot bath and relax!! Have a good night!!