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Friday, November 7, 2008

My Life

From the beginning... My mother and father met at their elementary school at age 11. They started dating when my mother was 13, and my father was 14. My mother had me at 17... and if you think about it now, I've been with my mother longer than she's been alone. My parents got pregnant with my brother Michael at 19, and in that same period they also got married. Then they divorced at 29. They are now in their 40's, my mother who just turned 40 in August, and my father who turned 41 in October, and I can sit back and say how I've watched them grow and mature over the years. My mother is abused... emotionally, physically, mentally... I've watched her struggle for so many years. My father has OCD.. clearly he has to be in control, everything has a spot, and it's either his way or no way. That's where him and I didn't get along. I spent almost 7 years having no contact with my father... then finally when we did, we were so different that we didn't get along. Without him, I had a voice, I was outspoken, and spoiled... it was my way, not his way... he didn't like that, I had become my own person... Over the years, we fought and argued, and would take breaks from talking and seeing each other, and in the last year or so... things have changed between him and I. He still gets upset, because i don't always listen... and i'm stubborn and always have to learn lifes lesson myself... usually the hard way. But that's me. I'm not perfect. My mother is my heart. Occassionally we have our little disagreements, but without her... I'd be an even bigger mess (the mess I am right now, is because I did it to myself..). I've had a very good life. I cannot complain. But, growing up is hard. Being responsible for everything you do is hard. Becoming well to do, and well respected is hard. I've done things in my life, that I'm not completely proud of (hence having to learn the hard way), but it's over with, and though I know I cannot change the past... I know that all I have is my word, and my name... and someday when I'm gone, that is how people will remember me. I can't change everything, but I can change my life now. I may have to let go of the memories that I'm holding on to, or the people that are in my heart... But I need to live my life for me, and some of these things are just holding me back. One day at a time...

2 comments:

Linda said...

yes growing up is hard, but you are doing a great job of it! Linda

Diama ~*a.k.a*~ Cherry said...

Hello im following your blog now hun i seen a new face in the list of followers so i came past. Your relationship with your father sound like me and my father. Its difficult for us to get along some times we are the best of friends other times we cant stand each other and i never talk to him for months.My mother was with my father since she was young too the only man she been with besides her boyfriend now and she is so depressed about that not having a life til she doesnt understand me out having fun with other guys.